How Would You Answer These Questions?
Looking Back
As you look back over the years, how do you feel about your life? Any regrets? Anything you missed out on that you wish you had done? Is there anything you would do differently if you had it to do over again?
Doris (70): Over the years, I have many regrets. I was the youngest of four children, shy and lacking in self-confidence. Because there were many years between us, and so I was always tagging along behind and thought I would never get old enough to do all the things they were doing. Because of the age differences, my mother was my playmate, and I missed out on the closeness that most siblings experience. It took many years to become more self-confident, a lot of wasted time where I thought that I had nothing very interesting to contribute to a conversation. I therefore did a lot of listening. My motto was, “It is better to be thought stupid, than to open your mouth and confirm it.” I learned a great deal from listening, particularly that I was as smart as everyone else, but just afraid of making a mistake, saying the wrong thing and feeling foolish. One of my biggest problems is I am a perfectionist and have missed my opportunities because of not wanting to fail. I realize now that we all fail, but most try again, paying no attention to other people, who put us down in order to make themselves feel more important.
Helen (65): Looking back on my life I felt it is and was a real adventure and education. Regrets ... the only regret I really have is that I didn't travel more (the states and overseas). Regret ... that neither marriage had a happy ending.
Regret ... I was not with my father to hold his hand when he passed on.
I was not a self-confident child (I was very shy). When we came to town I would hide behind my mother's skirt, I didn't know how to talk to people. It changed when I got older, but it seemed I always had to push myself. Then when I took risks I could say to myself "that wasn't as bad as my head keeps telling me it might be."
My grandmother taught me right from wrong or I'd get a bean stick over my head. She also always told me if I parked my car in the garage the battery would go dead, so we worked, worked, worked. Today I am a workaholic. She also told me when my marriage was going bad, that I made my bed now I had to lay in it.
Today, I finally know I have choices. Both my mom and grandmother had high values, some of it rubbed off. My dream when I was young was to have a husband, children, home and I would be the perfect housewife, cooking, gardening, etc. (Just like the movies we watched back then). Boy what a rude awakening. Instead I had two husbands, more than one home, four children, large gardens, and jobs with long, hard hours. But every job I had led me to where I am now and I love my job. You can have it all - but not all at once. Advice ... learn all you can at any job you have and believe it will get better.